Anyone else tired of being compared to everyone else? It’s time for a self worth evaluation!
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how everything in life is gauged by numbers and charts. And this literally starts the moment a child is conceived! Is baby growing enough, is the heart rate exactly perfect? Once they’re born they’ve got APGAR scores and more charts to gauge if they are a “normal” weight and length, and to see what percentile they’re in. This makes parents so stressed out because they are made to think their child is unhealthy if they’re not exactly in range on this chart.
Once they hit school, it’s all about grades and they’re usually still being measured on charts based on height and weight. Once teenage years/early adulthood hits we’re using GPA scores, weight/BMI, height, and sometimes income as a measurement of self-worth. And again, parents are usually still so fearful that their child isn’t doing as well as the other kids in all of these areas and they often put more pressure on their kids to “do better”.
Isn’t anyone else sick of this? I understand that SOME methods of measurement make sense but when was it decided that everything needed to be determined by a chart? And that you were only OK if you were in the “normal” ranges on these charts! I personally think we should be determining self-worth by other methods than numbers on the scale, or grades on a paper. Especially because, HELLO! We’re all different! Why would the entire planet of 7 billion people fit into the same mold?!
These systems create fear of not being good enough, jealousy of people that are “better” than them according to these charts, and an unhealthy relationship with ones self. We become obsessed with grades, with losing weight to look better (not to be healthy! just to look thinner and be accepted), and then with money later on in life. We start these competitions from birth, and it’s so incredibly frustrating.
These days, it’s getting even worse because of social media. Many people are obsessed with the amount of likes they get or the amount of followers they have because it seems like the more you have, the more popular you are. I see it a lot on Twitter- it’s so apparent that many people only care about “likes” than they do about actual real relationships with other people. This is because we’re so used to gauging our importance by numbers.
We should be celebrating our uniqueness and not shoving everyone into the same boxes.
Self Worth is not determined by:
- Weight or height
- What you look like
- How big your house is or how fancy your car is
- How much money you make
- Competition with others
- The number of followers you have on social media
- What others think of you
Self worth should about:
- Loving and accepting yourself for who you are
- Doing what YOU want to do, not what everyone else expects of you
- Being truly content
- Improving areas of your life that YOU want to improve (health, education, etc)
- Helping others when possible
- Not being shoved into labels
How to Change your Inner Dialogue
If you’ve fallen into the trap of feeling the need to be like everyone else, or just got stuck in the usual rat race that is modern society, you can work on fixing this for yourself. Have you based parts of your life on what others expected of you? If so, think about why this happened- the reasoning, how it all came about, and how it makes you feel.
What makes you happy? What is your passion? What do YOU want to do in life (even if it’s the opposite of what you are currently doing)? Are you always stressed out or worried? Be aware of your feelings right now in this moment. We often become detached or disconnected when life starts to get stressful, and we can get stuck in that feeling for a long time.
Ways to learn more about yourself:
- Write a list of passions and they can become ideas for hobbies or careers
- Spend more alone time with yourself. Make time for quiet time, or just start taking more time to go out by yourself. This will help a lot to tap into your intuition and inner dialogue.
- Keep a journal for a few days. There are many great question prompts for this so you can truly think about your passions, fears, loves, and more.
- Write down any goals you might have in life. Do you want to go back to school? Change jobs? Take a long trip to another country?
- Think about your inner critic- what are they trying to tell you? Do you think there are issues or flaws in areas of your life, or do you think that way because of the pressures of society? Learning to make that inner critic shush is important, but it can take time to figure out how to shut him/her up!
So what about you? Have you realized lately that you’re tired of the BS? Sick of being compared to others, or just tired of feeling like you’re not as good as anyone else? While we can be our own worst enemy, I think it’s time to realize that the opposite can be true: we can be our own best friend and our inner critic can start to think more positively.
Want to read some more about self worth? I found this amazing post that has so many exercises and other ideas that can help. Or looking for books? Here is one that has amazing reviews (and is now currently in my own Amazon cart! Language warning though). Or this one called Loveable by Dr. Kelly Flanagan looks great. If you’re an Empath, I highly recommend The Empath Experience as it gives you so much insight on how to learn more about yourself!